“you’re twenty and never been in a real relationship?” then a stunned look.. the most common thing that happens when I tell them, followed by a “why”. I will never blame it on another, the pain they caused me, the pain I caused them.. etc. It’s me. I want to learn to love myself above anyone else. Ages 19 through at least 25, you’re still learning to do that. the closest thing I ever came to love was three years of chaos, if thats what loves supposed to feel like.. then who needs it? however, in those three years he taught me to love and depend solely on myself and pick myself up and keep my head held high when everything possible went wrong. he scratched out my sensitivity and replaced it with a tough heart. he taught me the difference between being envious and caring. he taught me every head game in the book. he showed me that people lie, people cheat.. but he also taught me how to forgive, forget, dead and never look back. a year to this day, I still cannot thank him enough for it all. why? because history repeated itself every time. everyone I ever was involved with is exactly alike, not their fault.. its just they didn’t care enough to change for me, I wasn’t right for them and he wasn’t right for me. you don’t cry over it, you move on. pretend youre in barney’s, you see a beautiful pair of chloe platforms.. you try them on but they don’t fit you and you can’t walk in them. you don’t sit around, cry, complain, and wait to grow or get more comfortable.. because they won’t. you move on and buy those louboutins. the same thing goes for whoever you get involved with. you’ll end up disappointed if you settle. ”but you’re still single.” yeah? because I choose to be, no one has interested me enough to stop partying, pursuing whatever I want to do or reached my level. youth is precious, you don’t get it back.. embrace it and enjoy it. learn to love you above anyone else. I never really got how some people fall in love so easily.
karma is always in full effect, but it won’t kick in until you move on. it’s tough to see someone who once meant so much to you, walk out on you without hesitation.. at that period of time you wish you could inflict the same pain on them as they caused you, but you can’t think like that. at that moment, you feel that if that happened, it would make you the happiest person in the world. completely false. when all is forgotten and put behind you, and that significant other that caused you so much pain comes crawling back, begging for forgiveness and to be taken back.. and you forgive but forget them, and could careless whether that same pain they inflicted on you is inflicted upon them, that’s the best moment. think about it, karma just did it’s job.
in reality, I’m not emotionless. I’m just someone who learned at a young age to enjoy what I have when I have it, that people will constantly walk in and out of my life willingly and unwillingly, and that the world won’t stop because I’m upset. I just learned to smile, hold my head high and dust myself off whenever I fall. if thats emotionless then I’m pretty sure I’m a rock.
take advantage of your youth, it’s the most beautiful years of your life and you’ll never get them back. it will come and go before you know it. never stress over whose hooking up with who, who likes you and who doesn’t, or someone that won’t mean anything to you a month from now. mourning over change and approval from others will get you nowhere. the only thing you should worry about is what you’re doing and what you want in your future, making sure you look flawless before you leave the house everyday, and why the bartender didn’t put enough absolut raz in your drink.
